a talk to the inner critic…
I have really struggled with that inner critic most of my life and in some ways it has unfortunately dictated the roads I have taken. We all have that nasty little critter in us somewhere, sometimes it is an dull whisper and other times it has all the airplay in your head…. and this week the airways have been LOUD and on repeat as I try to find my way through quest to live more creatively and be more, authentically well me.
And well can I tell you the Inner Critic and the Creative Soul DO NOT play nicely together. Honestly that critic is not a team player at all and once it tends to take a hold it has an opinion on everything from buttering your toast to how big your bum is.
You see I am a Scrapbooker, Cardmaker, craft hobbyist and most recently outed closest ‘artist’.. (and I use that word artist loosely because that critic is yelling even as I type) I very rarely showed anything to anyone outside of family and close friends, I am by nature a shy soul with a big ‘not good enough complex’, and most recently there has been a big push to give it a go, to not regret never trying. To try. To not give up.
But that means actually putting yourself and your art and quite seriously your heart out for everyone to have an opinion..
Palpitations. Sweaty hands. Little prayers. press POST. walk away. QUICKLY. Well actually it is more like a frantic RUN away from the delete button.
That opinion that I was talking about came from the place I least expected it….The family.
This Candy Skull drawing of a DotD caused all kinds of dramas in our house… The girls screamed and couldn’t eat their breakfast with her in the room. Tims response was some language that I won’t repeat quickly followed by what he thought to be a valid question… ‘Are you smoking something?’ (and no is the answer to that)
Giggle…. yes she is way outside of my usual art subjects but gosh it was so much fun to do something without it needing to look a certain way.. She was my entry for a position on Jamie Dougherty ‘Bloom girls’ Creative team. And looking back it was possibly the wrong choice of subject for such a girlie range but that is what will happen when you do a last minute decision to apply for something without having access to any real products…
Giggle…. because I didn’t get accepted in the team…. (snickering inner critic over its win there). And I guess that is the harsh reality of putting yourself out there not everyone (including my husband) will like what you choose to do. Initially it stings but that is life and in the whole grand scheme I got a lot more out of actually completing such a large format drawing and actually hitting the send button than I ever expected to.
But you know I am enormously happy and proud of her. She is so so big a full A3 size of Prisma coloured goodness. She was started at 830pm and I downed tools at 1pm when I accidentally split diet coke on her face (thank god for the wax content in those pencils is all I can say) She is bright and clear and fearless and is going to be living with someone who is a huge inspiration to me and who actually wanted her … (Check out the amazing talents of Kerry here)
Being fearless is something I want to practice to be more of… Fear like that inner critic is crippling if you give it too much airplay and if the two of them have a chat then boy they can suck the life out of any creative dream or thought as I recently saw in class I taught.
So Dear inner Critic and fear….. this look that I gave candy is for you. You can consider this as me breaking up with you. You can occasionally come a whisper in my ear but there will be no yelling.
love naomi (FULLSTOP)